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Bubba
Died in a Fire |
Clinton thăm lăngmiếu... Nămkia,
nhândịp Clinton và vợcon qua ViệtnNam. Ðảng và nhànước ta
đềnghị Clinton đi xem các vũtrường, kháchsạn sangtrọng
mới xây của Hồngkông (để khoekhoang đấtnước hiệnđạị...!!.)...Nhưng
Clinton khôngchịu, vốn từnglà môt họcsinh hiếuhọc, Clinton
đòichođược thămviếng Vănmiếu, là nơi ngườiViệt xưakia
vinhdanh các bậc tríthức, họcgỉả... (tríchtừ Phước's "Clinton đithăm Vănmiếu..." Viethoc.org) Jack and Jill Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat. He says "Jack, let me tell you something. On our wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, here - try these on." So, she did and said, "these are to big. I can't wear them." So I replied,
"exactly. I wear the pants in this family and always will. Ever since
that night we've never had any problems". |
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The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'" Chó sổchuồng 
Hell of a Question The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well... Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: I need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Bayana during my Freshman year, that "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze. The student received the only "A" given. Origins of Engineering Specs and Government Decisions You may have seen this, but I still think it is a great story . . . . . . Ever wonder where engineering specifications come from? The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches, an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and the English built the first US railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that is the gauge they used. Why did they use that particular gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used the same wheel spacing.Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the ruts that had been worn in the granite. So, who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And, the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they all had the same wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot. The Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war-horses. Now let's cut to the present: The Space Shuttle, sitting on its launch pad, has two booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. A company builds SRBs at its factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs wanted to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory has to run through a tunnel, which is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So ----- a major design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined two thousand years ago by a horse's ass. Which is pretty much how most government decisions are made.
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Thơ Nhớ Mẹ ÐDÐ đọc thơ: Trong các bàithơ nói về mẹ cólẽ vài bài tôi thíchnhất là bài cuả Lưu trong. Lư: Mỗilần nắng mới hắt bên
song và bài cuả Thận Nhiên viết về mẹ nhân ngày sinh nhật. Lầnrồi về VN tìnhcờ sắmđược tuyểntập cuả Bình Nguyên Lộc do nhàxuấtbản VH ở VN in, 3 tập mỗi tập dầy 600 trang, rất nhiều truyệnngắn chưabaogiờ đọc và cólẽ rất ít người biết. Tìnhcờ lật bìa sau ra thì thấy một bàithơ cuả ông, nhớ về người mẹgià, thâý kháhay nên chép lại, nhân ngày Mother day: Dâng Má Thương Từ đáy
thờigian, dậy tiếng ru Bình Nguyên Lộc (*) Bình Nguyên Lộc quê ở Tânuyên, Biênhoà Right Utilization Two camels (a mother and a baby) were lazing around, when suddenly baby camel said. Baby: "mother, mother, can I ask you some question?" Mother: "sure! why son, is there something bothering you?" Baby: "why do camel have humps?" Mother: "well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water." Baby: "okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded." Mother: "Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert. You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone", said the mother proudly. Baby: "okay, said baby camel. "then why are our eye lashes long? Sometimes it is bothering my sight." said baby camel. Mother: "my son, those long thick eye lashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind." Said mother camel with eyes brimming with pride. Baby: "I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert,the legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protects my eyes from the desert. Then what the hell are we doing here in a zoo???" > > > > MORAL OF THE STORY IS: SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE, ABILITIES AND EXPERIENCE ARE ONLY USEFUL IF THE MANAGEMENT GIVES YOU THE OPPORTUNITY !!! Bill
Gates' speech *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Rule 1:
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